“I’m friendly! People like me! How hard could making friends in Germany really be?”
That’s what I kept telling myself when I first moved Abroad.
Let me tell you a story.
Back in Nigeria, I never struggled to connect with people, whether it was bonding with market women over the price of plantains or laughing with strangers in traffic. Nigerians just do community naturally.
So imagine my shock when, after three months in Germany, I found myself doing the “I’m definitely not lonely, see how busy and important I look?” walk across campus, eyes glued to my phone, pretending to be engrossed in an imaginary text conversation while secretly praying no one would notice I had nowhere to sit in the cafeteria. 😂
The loneliness didn’t creep in slowly. It hit me like a freight train one random Tuesday evening when I realized that
- My most meaningful conversation that week had been with the DHL delivery guy (and even that was just “Danke” as I grabbed my package) after weeks of memorising the word.
- I had started narrating my daily activities out loud like a YouTuber (“Okay, now we’re opening the fridge…oh! Leftover currywurst!”)
- My social battery was so drained I nearly froze when a German finally spoke to me
- And the Wi-Fi? Oh, let’s talk about those dead zones in my apartment, those soul-crushing moments when my video call with home would freeze right as my mum said “Oge how are you”, leaving me staring at a motionless version of her face while the connection struggled. The loneliness felt exactly like that, like life was buffering, and I was stuck waiting for it to load properly.
If this is you right now, listen to me……breathe. You are not failing at expat life. You are just in the awkward adjustment phase that nobody talks about.
But here’s the good news,
Almost every expat, student, or traveler has felt this way. The good news? It gets better!
If I could survive all I have stated above, you can survive too.
Let me show you how.”
Tips On How To Break The Loneliness Cycle
TIP 1 – EMBRACE THE LONELINESS (Yes you heard me right!)
Here’s an uncomfortable truth: Loneliness doesn’t always mean you’re alone, it means you’re not used to your own company.
Back in Nigeria, I was never alone. There was always a cousin, a neighbor, an aunty, a loud street hawker outside my window or at the very least, some street kids fighting over something. Silence was rare.
Fast forward to Germany, and suddenly, I had too much of it.
At first, I hated it. Then I realized that this was my chance to actually get to know myself. So I started:
- Taking myself on solo dates (Turns out, I’m great company. Who knew?)
- Journaling (Writing down my thoughts made me realize half my stress was just culture shock talking)
- Rediscovering old hobbies (I started content creation, my YouTube channel and a lot more things I thought I had forgotten how to do)
The breakthrough came when I stopped seeing alone time as punishment and started treating it like a VIP ticket to self-discovery.
Instead of being afraid of loneliness, treat it like a phase where you get to know you.
TIP 2 – GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE (Your Couch is Not Your Friend)
Your couch might be comfy, but it’s not going to introduce you to new people.
I learned this the hard way after spending two straight weekends binge-watching Netflix shows I didn’t even like, just to fill the silence.
The best way for you to fight loneliness? Leave your house. You can:
- Join a local class (dance, cooking, pottery, go wild!)
- Try coworking spaces or coffee shops
- Say YES to invitations, even if they scare you a little!
I once said yes to a Salsa class even though I cannot dance to save my life. Was I bad at it? Absolutely. But did I meet people and laugh at myself? Also yes. I take this as a win-win.
TIP 3 – FIND YOUR COMMUNITY (They’re Out There, I Promise)
Making friends abroad isn’t about quantity but about finding your tribe. Expats, locals, even fellow hobby enthusiasts — there’s a group for everyone. Some great ways to find yours are by joining:
- Expat Facebook groups & Meetup.com – Sometimes you need people who also Google ‘How to open a bank account in this country’.
- Language exchanges – Make friends and improve your speaking skills. Two for one. You can find these in every city.
- Religious groups & volunteer work – If you want genuine, welcoming communities, these are amazing places to start. Church, mosque, volunteer programs… always great.
TIP 4 – REACH OUT TO OLD & NEW CONNECTIONS
Being abroad doesn’t mean you have to start from scratch. Stay connected with old friends and family, it helps more than you think!
And don’t be afraid to reach out to acquaintances in your new country.
One time, I messaged a random lady on Instagram who lived near my city, and guess what? Now we’re close friends and she has also introduced me to other people who introduced me to more people.
You see the long chain of people? All from a DM on Instagram.
So give it a try. Worst case? They ignore you. Best case? You just found a new buddy and boom…..Loneliness straight to the curb.
This does not mean you should start jumping into people’s DMs with messages like, “hello dear”, “hello beautiful can I know you more?”. Take time to write a meaningful message and show a genuine interest in getting to meet new people within or around your city.
TIP 5 – BUILD A ROUTINE (Your Mental Health Will Thank You)
Loneliness feels worse when every day feels empty. The trick is to create a routine.
- Pick a favorite café and become a ‘regular’
- Go for daily walks in the same park (you’ll start seeing familiar faces!)
- Set small goals like trying a new food every week or month
- Go to the same gym regularly
Routines help life feel more stable, and soon enough, you’ll start recognizing people in your area, which makes a new country feel a lot less lonely.
TIP 6 – GET COMFORTABLE WITH AWKWARDNESS (It Makes Great Stories Later)
Let’s be real, making friends as an adult is weird.
It just is.
You have to put yourself out there, start random conversations, and sometimes deal with awkward silences. And that’s okay.
Think about it, some of your best friendships probably started with an awkward “Hey, or hello”.
Those awkward moments have become your best stories. And often, they’re the start of real connections. So don’t be afraid to make the first move.
If you take nothing else from this, remember: This loneliness? It’s temporary.
The friends will come. The confidence will grow. And one day, you’ll realize this foreign city feels a little like home.
Until then? Be kind to yourself. Say yes to new experiences. And maybe talk to that nice-looking person in your Language class. (Worst case? Awkward silence. Best case? New friend.)
Want More Real Talk About Life in Germany?
👉 Follow my daily adventures (and fails) on Instagram @Naijagirlingermany
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👉 Watch the video version of this post here
Now go forth, my fellow expat warrior. Your glow-up is coming I promise.
Until next time, do have a fantastic fantastic day, I am rooting for you!
